When I

When I was young, I thought...that adults are complex and interesting

When i was young, i thought that being strong was pretty cool
people look up to you
people listen to you
but then when things got out of control, i realized i can't be strong alone.
i need friends.

When i listen to people's lamenting, crying for similar things,
saying how they deserve such and such
i think all those crying would stop if they never wanted it in the first place
so what's so valuable about those things they are willing to cry for?
that they spoke ill about other people for?
that they say they won't be satisfied until they earn it?
how people's heart change in a split second just for a thing that won't last as long.
either the thing got lost first or we lost our life first.

When i see people doing such and such
i think of the reason why they do it

why?

why?

why?

why do things without a reason?

everyone NORMAL would had run thru all these phases..at least once.

When i learn new things at school,
i always think i can handle this
i'm gonna do fine, i'm gonna be superb in the exams, it won't be a problem at all

but when failure seems leaking through
i felt stuck
thinking is this the limit of my intelligence?
is this what i'm only capable of?
is this my top most achievement of my life?
what will happen to me from now on?

would my life be worthless now?


Nobody would understand
because i'm only one in this whole world.

I don't think i'm a genius
i always just barely passing by
i always think i speak lots of craps, but somehow my friends stick with me
that's weird, when you think you're ordinary enough that nobody would want to be with you
no pretty dresses,
no stunning watches,
no beautiful shoes,
just my heart and mind to offer.

But when i open my eyes more
when i listen with my heart more
there might just be somebody who gets it.


The feelings of finding an answer to a simple differentiation question after a long stroll of late nite studying
the feelings that 'yes, I'm not that stupid at all'
the feelings that i can be extraordinary even tho no one acknowledges me!

Because thru all those turbulence years, one thing never change at all
during my most confused and dreadful times,
my Lord is always there.

Mom and dad, brothers and sisters, they can be a phone call away, or a meter away
but my Lord is here as soon as i remembers HIM, the closest that i can imagine HIM to be.

If in quantum theory, an electron can be both 'here' and 'there',
then my Lord is greater as HE can be anywhere anytime.
no Max Planck's theory is needed to explain HIM!

If in economics, the world rotates by the demand and supply
then my Lord fulfill my demands and give indefinite supplies to the entire universe
HE is never in recession!

Everyday i listen to the thumping of a person's heart
thinking that in MI it can stop so suddenly.
but with my Lord's power HE can bring not just a pulse to a stop,
HE'll end the world and revive it all over again.

..............

..........

.......

......

how did i end up writing this?

this is how i've always been since my younger days.

somehow,

somehow,

somehow,

HE always pops up

it's like HE never leaves me alone. why oh why??

it kinda bugs me at first, just like a LOVER, i started to think
'what would HE says about such and such?'

but i guess HE is a LOVER.

and HE is a really, really, really good one too.

gentle,

caring,

always on-call 24/7,

never in busy-mode

never nags when i nag (but HE loves me nagging!^^)

just....PERFECT.

perfect.

perfect.

perfect.

all the best to those who are struggling:-)

p.s. All the best for summer exams; jom berusaha sehabis baik dan ingatlah Allah sentiasa membantu hambaNya!

7 hours stranded alone in oslo..? oh my,You are here wth me!

warm wishes to everyone:)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009